Inarguably, winter holidays can be an overwhelming time for everyone. The holiday season often means less structure for the children, more interactions with extended family, and trying to balance to-dos alongside creating meaningful memories. From our family to yours, please enjoy these Top 10 Tips to keep in mind this holiday season to minimize stress and maximize intentional connection.
1. Check in with your child or children and ask how they are feeling about the upcoming holiday season and anything they are needing to feel supported.
It can be easy to forget that under the surface of excitement for a home visit our gifts our children can also be having some anxiety about navigating family dynamics or how to balance their needs with the family expectations. Taking a minute to get curious and attune to our children can help them feel heard, supported, and give them permission to share what they are feeling and needing in the moment. This conversation is already a great reminder of the intention of connection through the holidays as the priority.
2. Try to be focused on the present moment
Easier said than done, I know. However I think this is essential. We can often miss amazing moments of connection because we are running through our mental to-do list or juggling a thousand needs. If we can try to take the holiday season one moment at a time it gives us the opportunity to fully live and experience this time of the year. It can also help us avoid going down the “what if” rabbit hole.
I work with parents that want to talk through every possible scenario to try and plan how to handle that. Playing the “what if” game can increase anxiety about things that may never actually happen. Trust that if a challenge does arise you will figure it out then, but worrying about it in advance is unlikely to prevent struggle and instead just increase overall anxiety and block the ability to be present for the really great stuff.
3. Keep in mind the power of positive thinking
Stress, anxiety, and really all emotions can be contagious. If we go into the holidays anticipating struggle and drama or dreading everything we have planned, our children are likely to pick up on that energy. Our kids can pick up on things we haven’t even said but may be thinking or feeling. Consider what you are needing to feel grounded and cope with your own feelings around the holidays and then prioritize that.
4. Prioritize your daily habits that keep you grounded
So often we put our needs on the back burner when they actually should be on the forefront. We can use being busy, or stressed, or the kids being home, or everyone else’s needs, or any other excuse to not care for ourselves. The daily habits and anchor points are essential, especially in times of stress or even just in times of change. The holidays are different from our normal daily routine so anchor yourself in what you can.
5. Communicate plans and expectations to the family in advance
Change is hard for everyone and being out of the normal routine is change. Communicate the plan for the holidays with enough time for your children to understand, ask questions, communicate needs. Be open to compromise when reasonable (even going home an hour earlier can feel valuable to your child if they’re feeling overstimulated). Think of how you can offer some structure to support some intentional connection time and less screen time.
6. Get Outside
This time of year promotes curling up with a blanket and hunkering down, however its important to not forget the value of getting outside. Going for a walk, seeing holiday lights, playing in the snow, sitting around a fire are all great ways to ground our nervous system by being outside.
7. Respect how your loved one wants their story shared
If your loved one has been in treatment or had challenges/struggles this past year check in with them about what/how/if they want their story shared with extended family. Support them in holding boundaries around their story if that feels important for them. It ok to say “they’ll share more about their experience when they are ready”.
8. Stick to your own boundaries, needs, and values even in the presence of extended family.
This is not only an important thing for your own mental and emotional well being, but also is great role modeling for your child. Witnessing you be able to set boundaries and care for your own needs in a respectful, calm, assertive way is a great example of how they can do that for other people in their lives.
9. Prioritize traditions based on your values
You don’t have to say yes to everything out of obligation. It’s ok to slow down and really prioritize what feels most important for you and your immediate family. Balance the wants to’s and the have to’s with extra focus on the want to’s.
10. Take Space
If things start to get overwhelming, tensions rise, or you just need a minute of silence take space. It is always ok to take a break, a time out, a moment to yourself. Stay tuned into your nervous system and allow yourself time and space to regulate it as needed. You deserve it!
